The Uncharted Movie

A few years ago I played the first few hours of Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune at a friends house. I don’t really remember a lot of what happened, but one very clear memory about the game sticks with me – I enjoyed it.

The game played like an interactive Indiana Jones movie, lots of ancient temple and jungle exploring, gunfights with pirates, and clean, quick shifts between gameplay and cutscenes. It looked good. It was exciting. It didn’t ever feel like I was waiting.

And while it had the feel of Indiana Jones about it, Nathan Drake is his own character, and I quickly forgot to compare the two. I like Uncharted.

The movie on the other hand, looks destined to suck.

Point 1: This is the equivalent of turning a movie into a movie. Averted however, by the fact that the Uncharted movie will simply be telling a new story to the games. Good, but… its riding on the story of someone who is less connected to the Uncharted universe than it’s own dev team.

Point 2: Nathan Fillion is not going to be Drake. Mark Wahlberg is. :(

Point 3: Apparently, Drake isn’t very cool. So it’s going to be about HIS WHOLE FAMILY.

“While the video game centers on Nate Drake (a descendant of Sir Francis Drake) and his quest to find lost treasure on an island far from civilization, Russell plans on expanding the movie to include Drake’s extended family — and put them in fraught, globetrotting situations with some of the world’s most influential people.”

Excuse me if I say this sounds like a re-skinned National Treasure 3. No no no. Do not want. The excuse from the director is that it will be a family-driven drama. I expect all these tropes. Disappoint me please.

There’s probably a reason why all video-game-to-movie adaptions suck. This movie will probably flop like every other one. And secretly inside, we all still hope it doesn’t; every time an adaption flops, it’s less likely another one gets made.